We loose so much in our lives lacking the courage to do all the wild things we wish we had done. We, while trying to be nice, lack the honesty to tell people how we really feel. We use excuses to avoid awkward situations instead of building up the strength to handle it. We try to be more than we really are so someone will find us special or, in most circumstances, not cruel.
For a long while I had forgotten how it feels to be really honest and to have the guts to say everything I had to say. To be faithful to my feelings and my values while interacting with other people. For a long while I was afraid of never being good enough and it made me a coward in a sense that I had not the guts to surrender to the urges of my heart. For a long while I was politically correct, and I hated it because there is nothing as hurtful as noticing someone is saying something just to be nice, not meaning it.
Regret. The result of lack of honesty and courage is mostly regret. Regret we had not the balls to say what needed to be said, when it was need. Regret we did not do what our heart and soul shouted was the right thing to do. Regret that we did not mean what we said.
Regret we were not true to ourselves.
The important thing about self-discovery is that after all the frustration of understanding that you were not the person you thought you were. That you messed up and that it is time to accept that fact. To be honest to yourself about your limitations and your screw ups. Honesty and the courage to tell all those things that are not easy to say and even harder to listen.
After the nightmare I found in myself the courage to be honest to myself and to the others. Always.
BTW. The drawing above is a from a picture that I've tried to draw about a dozen times during the last year and a half. I finally got it right.
